Little did I realise, this was the beginnings of a serious neurological disorder caused by a rare condition called transverse myelitis (TM).
Within a few weeks of the initial slow-onset of TM, I became paralysed - and my body was also infused with unbearable neuropathic pain. At its worst, around Christmas 2011, I was paralysed from the neck down and it looked like I wouldn’t make it through (I’m not exaggerating)!
It would be fair to say that I’m still reeling from this momentous change in circumstances - from being fit and healthy, to being confined to a wheelchair, all because of a self-inflicted (auto-immune) condition over which I had no control. And ever since the start of TM, I have had to tolerate high levels (typically level 6) of neuropathic pain every day, without much ability to control it, other than to try and ‘distract’ myself from its presence.
Recovery from TM is mixed. About a third of people make a full recovery, another third make a partial recovery and the remaining third make little or no recovery. Unfortunately for me, I’m in that latter category, albeit I've made some recovery in the use of my hands and arms. Otherwise, I remain paralysed from the upper chest (vertebral column T6) down.
I’m not saying this to get your sympathy – I don’t think I’ve ever asked for it, so please understand why I’m posting this.
Last Thursday, on 23rd June, 72% of eligible UK voters, were essentially split down the middle in their response as to whether or not to ‘Remain’ or ‘Leave’ the European Union (EU). It was a binary choice, with no nuanced options – a recipe for trouble (but an understandable, unambiguous approach to elicit a verdict).
It was a despicably fought contest, with little real truth in either political campaign – the least truthful was the ‘Vote Leave’ campaign team, led by the likes of Boris Johnson and Michael Gove - also Farage running his own version of the same.
In the end, 52% voted to ‘Leave’ and 48% voted to ‘Remain’ in the EU. However you look at it, it’s a close ‘dividing’ result.
This is where the referendum parallels my fight with TM.
48% of the voters are reeling from the decision to leave the EU – and they are in a lot of pain. What is more, the pain has been self-inflicted by the referendum itself.
This sadly includes many of my family and friends, who are now essentially grieving the loss associated with ‘Brexit’ and all it entails. Overall, that’s a lot of frustrated, hurting, possibly very angry people.
My heart goes out to them all (I mean that, despite previous posts) – I truly understand that pain, even though I voted to leave the EU. I was a ‘reluctant’ voter, but felt I had to follow my conscience, despite not liking the ‘binary’ nature of the vote.
I quite honestly expected the ‘Remain’ side to win with a comfortable margin, partly because of last-minute ‘nerves’ (people defaulting to what they already know) but also as a result of the outpouring of grief following the murder of Yorkshire MP Jo Cox at the hands of a far-right xenophobic nutcase! It wasn’t to be.
This doesn’t mean I regret my vote, because I had my reasons for voting to leave the EU which had very little to do with the ‘Vote Leave’ campaign. But what I now detest, is being tarred with a brush that assumes the worst about my character (as I’m not anti-European, xenophobic or any other ‘phobic’ you want to add).
There are no ‘winners’ in this scenario, only potential losers, while we now go through a period of pain and we try and recover from the inevitable fallout.
I saw the EU as an aggressively ‘centralist’ failing political system, demanding “ever-closer union” tighter political and fiscal policy, with little accountability to actual Europeans. At heart, that was my issue with it – and still is.
But I love every European that I’ve met, and even now each day I meet them, as some help me with daily care needs. I wouldn’t want to be without them!
Following the 'Brexit' vote, our political parties are now in chaos and our economy has been hit severely. Some of this would be expected, as markets cannot abide uncertainty. But there is a growing sense of fear – and this could lead to a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ of economic doom, unless we arrest that decline with positivity.
Regrettably, though understandably, there is much negativity flowing through the general and social media, but if not ‘arrested’ it will fuel further decline.
In my view, it is no use trying to overturn the result of the referendum, as the vote to leave is the genuine outcome of a democratically driven process. What we therefore need to do is stand firm together to address the issues facing us, including clamping down hard on far-right idiots who think they have ‘won’ the day.
But this whole situation is a classic own goal, because wealthy London City dwellers are scratching their heads thinking ‘how did that happen’?
Well, I’m afraid it’s obvious, because people saw the referendum as much about disenfranchisement with our own ‘out of touch’ politicians, wealthy bankers and corporate businesses, as they did about our relationship with the EU. It’s that simple.
It’s no use just blaming the ‘Leavers’ for not having degrees and being poorly educated, or being in the ‘wrong’ demographic age group. There’s probably a stronger match between the 'Brexit' voters and the UK Indices of Multiple Deprivation (I doubt anyone has looked at it).
In areas such as the North-East there has been a steady decline in industry, lack of investment in infrastructure, decent housing and services etc. for many years, in fact since the decline in the mining industries in the early 80s under the Thatcher government.
Meanwhile, bankers bonuses remain almost untrammelled, corporate businesses try all they can to avoid tax and the list could go on…. The point is, trouble has been brewing for years and our membership of the EU became the casualty.
It actually astonishes me that the political elite and the City still don’t ‘get it’…
Like TM, it is possible to have differing levels of ‘recovery’ but we don’t have much time to turn our economy round.
Much depends on a robust ‘can do’ attitude to repair the damage done – and this will include learning from this ‘mistake’ (although I personally don’t think it’s that) and ensuring a fair ‘trickle-down’ of wealth to regions that need support and reinvestment.
My hope and prayer is that we don’t see a further disintegration of the UK itself – that we stay together and weather the current storm - and push through it.
I’m vividly reminded of a scene in one of my favourite films ‘Chariots of Fire’ in which Harold Abrahams shares his challenge about being Jewish with his fellow student, Aubrey Montague as they begin studying at Cambridge University:
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Abrahams:
And here am I. Setting up shop in the finest university in the land. But the old man forgot one thing. This England of his is Christian...and Anglo-Saxon. And so are her corridors of power. And those who stalk them guard them with jealousy and venom.
Montague:
You're right to study law. You're quite an advocate.
Abrahams:
A rare ethnic advantage. It's called the gift of the gab.
Montague:
So what now? Grin and bear it?
Abrahams:
No, Aubrey. I'm going to take them on. All of them. One by one. And run them off their feet.
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Here's the thing: Harold Abrahams refused to 'give in' and in fact turned his sprinting ability into a 'weapon' with which to fight prejudice.
In the same film, Eric Liddell, the famous Scottish athlete had this message for running a straight race:
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Eric Liddell:
You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe your dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race.